


Mr Robot works for the 99

by Seaside_Rendezvous



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), Mr. Robot (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2020-10-19 15:06:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20659193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seaside_Rendezvous/pseuds/Seaside_Rendezvous
Summary: Jake asks Elliot to hack into Vera's social media accounts to find out if he has ties to giggle pig... but when Elliot says he's clean, Jake begins to suspect Elliot might be the one who's dirty





	1. Something stinks... and it's not just the donkey milk

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! This is just a little thing I did for fun. I've always wanted to see a crossover between these two shows and so I made one. A few things to clarify:  
-yes, Elliot's mom being Egyptian is not confirmed, but I needed it for the cold open  
-This takes place at around season 3 of Brooklyn Nine-nine and season 1 of Mr Robot, before Elliot finds out who he really is
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! Feel free to leave some constructive criticisms!

"Morning, Jake!" Charles said preppilly, holding a folder in one hand and a container with a strange liquid inside in the other.   
"Morning, Boyle!" Jake then noticed the jar in his hand, "do I even wanna ask what that is?"

"It's a traditional Egyptian drink known as _ Halib Hamar _… donkey milk! Wanna smell?"

"Absolutely not, why would I want to smell that? Anyway, why are you holding a jar of disgusting donkey milk?"

"I thought you could give it to Elliot while you ask him to hack into this perp's social media accounts," Boyle said, handing him the folder, "I think his tweets are written in some kind of code that tells his clients where the buys are at. I want to look into his inbox to see if he uses it to message other drug dealers."

Jake looked at the picture inside and widened his eyes, "wait, Vera, I know this guy. Rosa told me he may have ties to giggle pig. If we get him to tell us who his supplier is, this could be huge for the task force!"

"I know! Which is why I really need you to run this by Elliot. Please?" Charles begged.

"Why are you asking me? The guy hates me. Once, I asked him how his weekend was and he said 'okay' in a super weirded out way like I'd just asked him if he'd been able to poop."

"Yeah, I know he's weird, but I can't do it, he's too scary!"

"He's not scary! He's just awkward and judgemental," Jake's face then lit up with an idea.

"No," Rosa said to their plead, continuing to sharpen her dagger. 

"But you guys are basically the same! You're both silent, stoic types with curly black hair!"

"Yeah, that's why I was super into him..."

_ Two weeks earlier _

Rosa and Elliot where both in the break room. Elliot was getting water from the vending machine.   
Rosa walked up to him and said in a monotone voice, "hey." 

Elliot turned around, "um, hey."

"I like you. You're quiet and you never talk about your personal life. I respect that. You wanna have a drink sometime?"

"I-I would but I have other plans," he said awkwardly.

"You have other plans _ sometime_?"

Elliot's eyes widened and he looked over to the side, lost in his own thoughts. _ Oh God, what do I say? What do I say? _

"I have a girlfriend, I mean."

Rosa's expression remained unreadable, "cool. Catch you later."

_ Back to the present _

"I was humiliated!" Rosa bellowed, stabbing the knife in her desk, "I can't look at his stupid gorgeous face anymore!" 

"Well, I wouldn't say 'gorgeous', I mean, half of it is just his eyes," Peralta said jokingly. 

"Why would you give him donkey milk anyway?"

"Well, his mother's Egyptian so I thought it would remind him of his childhood," Boyle explained. 

"Yeah, I don't think that's the best idea. That guy does _not_ look like he had a fun childhood," Gina chimed in, "I'm taking an abnormal psychology class. I know everything."

"Okay, well, how about you throw the milk in the trash and I try my best to talk to him? Can't be that hard, right?"

Jake made his way to the IT floor. He spotted Elliot hunched over his computer with his earbuds plugged in. His large bug eyes reflected the strange codes on his screen.

"Hey, Elliot!" Jake said, trying to get his attention. No reply, "hey, hey Elliot… Elli," Jake said as he knocked on his desk.

Elliot took his earbuds off, looking annoyed, "yeah?"

"Heeey, buddy, how was your weekend?" Jake asked cheerfully. 

Elliot looked off to the side nervously, "fine. What do you need?"

"I need you to look into this guy, Vera. He's a drug dealer, we think he's sending coded tweets with the locations of possible buys. We need you to hack into his inbox to see if he uses his social media to contact his supplier or his associates."

Elliot's heart dropped to his stomach at the sound of that name. _ Shit, they found him. I can't let them catch him. If Vera goes, so does Sheila and so does the only thing that keeps me stable. Shit, I have to throw him off his sent. _

"Hey, Elli," Jake said, waving his hand in front of his face, "you ok there, bud? You kinda spaced out there… for several seconds. It was very awkward."

"Sorry, I'm a little distracted… I got into a fight with my girlfriend," Elliot lied accompanied by a lopsided smile and a small shrug.

"That sucks. What are you guys fighting about?"

_ Shit, I didn't think he'd be interested. I need to come up with something. _"She… cheated on me with another guy."

"No! That's terrible! Don't go back to her! Once a cheater, always a cheater. I learned that from my dad," Jake said with a nervous laugh. 

_ Jake Peralta, mid thirties. He was almost too easy to hack. His password was Nakatomi123. Thrown into stunted adolescence because of his parents' messy divorce and his father walking out on them. He's best friends with Boyle because he likes to have someone walk behind him and validate everything he does. Deep down he's incredibly insecure. He's dating Amy Santiago, his polar opposite, I don't know why- _

"Hey, buddy!" Jake said, snapping his fingers in front of his face, "you've got to stop doing that! It's disturbing."

"Right, sorry, I'll look it into it," Elliot said, taking the folder.

"Great! Thanks, love ya, bye!" Jake said before briskly walking away. 

"God, why did I say that?!" he whispered to himself. 

_ I don't actually hate Jake that much, _ Elliot thought to himself, _ yeah, he's a moron. But he tries to do good. Now I need to keep him as far away from Vera as possible. _

***

"So, how did it go with Elliot?" Boyle asked Jake in the breakroom later.

"Actually really well! He said he'd look into it! He also opened up to me, which was really cool. Apparently his girlfriend cheated on him."

Rosa looked up, "is he single now?"

"I don't think so, he said they were fighting, but I'm sure he'll be available in no time!"

"God, I really hope he finds plenty of info on this guy. We really need a win," Rosa said, continuing to sharpen her dagger.

"I'm sure he'll find something. I mean, the guy has a shaved head and face tattoos. How could he possibly be clean?"

_ Several hours later _

"He's clean," Elliot said, handing the folder back to Jake, "his inbox was empty."

"What about all the weird word patterns in his tweets? The ones in all caps?" Jake asked.

"Those are just street terms, there's no code in there."

"Cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool. No doubt, no doubt. Listen, could you hack into his email or something? 'Cause this guy seems really sketchy and we think he's connected to giggle pig and we really need a win. Please?" Jake asked all in one breath.

Elliot sighed and took the folder back, "okay, yeah, sure. I'll see what I can find."

"Thanks man, I really appreciate it," Jake said, reaching to put a hand on his shoulder. Elliot flinched.

Jake pulled his arm away, "right, sorry, forgot about the 'no touchy'!" he said in a strange voice.

"You should go now."

"Yeah." 

*** 

"He found nothing! How is that possible? His profile picture is him pointing a gun at the camera!" Boyle exclaimed. 

"I don't think he's actually clean… I think Elliot's the one who's dirty. When he told me his inbox was empty, he didn't show me any proof, he just said it. And when I asked him to look into him more he was all annoyed, like he was doing _ me _a favor."

"Yeah, well, to his credit he hates every single one of us. Even me. And I gave him a mousepad for Christmas," Amy said.

"Yeah, it _ is _ true that he despises us… and his job… and the city… and joy."

"So hot," Rosa said dreamily, holding her dagger close.

"Oh! Maybe he's buying from Vera and that's why he wants us to lay off him!"

"He does always look like he's snorting something," Gina chimed in.

"What should we do? Should we confront him about it?" 

"Oh! We could make him take a drug test! We can just tell him we're all doing it because Holt said we had to," Boyle suggested. 

"That's a great idea! I'll get one of those little jars from the lab!" Jake then thought about what he said for a moment, "actually, you know what Charles, why don't _ you _ get one?"

***

"Hey, buddy," Jake said, sauntering over to Elliot's desk, "we're gonna need you to pee in that jar. I know it sounds weird but Holt's making all of us do it. Bosses, am I right?" 

Elliot glanced down nervously at the jar on his desk, "he's making everyone including the IT department take a drug test?"

Jake smiled, "yeah."

"That's weird… I didn't hear any of the other guys having to take tests."

"Yeah, well that's because we're starting with you! Because… because… your last name is Alderson and it starts with A and we're going in alphabetical order! Yeah, checks out."

"Marvin's last name is Abbey… 'b' comes before 'l' so he should take the drug test before me," Elliot said, pointing at the man sitting on the desk behind him.

"Damnit!" Jake cursed under his breath. He quickly corrected himself, "I mean, yeah, of course Marvin should go first, duh! We'll… pass him the pee jar!" he said cheerfully, "okay, that sounded weird."

"I have to get back to work," Elliot said, putting his earbuds back in his ears.

"Yeah… hey, did you find anything on Vera's email?"

"Nah. Like I said, the guy's clean," Elliot replied casually.

"Yeah, could you show it to me please?" 

Elliot began to get nervous. _ Shit, if I show him the e-mail he'll know Vera's guilty. I don't have time to make a fake one _.

He then glanced at file on his desktop labeled: "mobile.bat" a batch code that he'd created specifically to crash his computer in case of an emergency.

He quickly right clicked and selected 'run administrator'.

"Oh no! My computer just crashed!" Elliot said, pretending to be surprised.

"Really… just when you were trying to open up Vera's email? Isn't that kinda weird?" 

"Yeah, well, maybe someone on his crew found out I was looking into him and crashed my computer on purpose."

"How would they find out about that?" Boyle asked, "I thought this was a secure line."

_ Shit… think of something. Think of something. _

"Look, my girlfriend buys from him, okay? And I don't want her to get in trouble."

"Oh my God… you still love her even though she cheated on you! Oh man, I know _ that _feeling," Boyle said.

"Don't worry, we'll leave your girlfriend alone, we just want Vera's giggle pig supplier. Now, how long is it going to take you to restart your computer?" Jake asked sternly.

"I don't know, could be a couple hours. It was a real bad crash," Elliot lied, again.

"Alright, fine, we'll come back here in a couple of hours," Jake said. He then glanced down at Elliot's desk and grabbed the jar, "and we're taking this back! There was no drug tests for everyone!"

"Yeah, I kinda got that."

"Of course you did… nerd," Jake said before walking away. 

***

"God, that guy's an asshole," said a gruff voice.

Elliot looked to his left and panicked, "what the hell are you doing here?! You can't be here!"

"Relax, I just wanna talk. These guys are getting too suspicious of ya, and that's not good. If they keep digging and find out what we're really planning, the whole plan is screwed," Mr Robot adjusted his cap absent mindedly, "You have to give them Vera."

"I can't do that. Not yet. I still need to quit."

"Well hurry up because Detective Underpants is onto you and we don't want him snooping in on our operation." 

"I'm telling you, I'll give him Vera, I just need more time-"

"Hey, buddy!" Jake called, "who are you talking to?" 

Elliot turned to his left. There was no one there. Mr Robot was gone.

His heart started pounding, "but.. He was here. He was right here."

Jake's eyes widened, "uh-oh." 

  
  
  


  



	2. Coo-coo banana pants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 99th precinct try to help Elliot in this trying time but underestimate his ability to exploit their weaknesses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! Sorry for the delay, I thought no one cared about this story but then we got our first comment so I'm continuing it! Kudos!

"Who was just here?" Jake asked, confused.   
"Uh… no one..." Elliot mumbled as he tried to come up with a lie, "the captain, I was just talking to him."  
"I can assure you I was not," Holt said, appearing behind them, "I just came in to fill up my cup of coffee. I haven't been here all morning."  
Elliot began to panic. His heart started beating faster and faster as he felt the room begin to move.   
"Elliot, are you okay?" Jake asked, "do you think that maybe you're starting to hallucinate again?"  
Elliot's eyes widened, "again? What do you mean 'again'?"  
"Well, your friend Angela told us that when you were a kid you had some psychological issues. She said that you went to a museum once and you kept asking the staff if they saw who you saw."  
"Why would she tell you that?"  
"Well, she wanted us to take that into consideration when we worked with you, and we have… been trying to do that, kind of? I don't know, I'm terrible in these situations. Someone step on for me please."  
Holt saw Jake's plead for help and came right over, "Elliot, why don't you sit down and tell us exactly what happened."  
"No… no I don't want to do that."  
"Hey, it's okay! We're not going to hurt you, obviously. C'mon, it's me! Jake from work! We… had that great conversation yesterday about your girlfriend, who I am now starting to realize is probably not real..."  
Elliot's eyes widened in alarm.  
"Sorry! I mean… of course she's real! Right? Oh God, can someone else step in please?"  
"Hey, you know, in my abnormal psychology class we learned about a woman who had hallucinated an entire new life for herself, so maybe that's it! Maybe none of us are real and we're just products of your imagination!"   
Elliot grabbed his backpack and slung it over his shoulder, "I need to leave, now. Goodbye."  
"I am afraid we cannot let you do that, Elliot," Holt said, standing in his way, "why don't we call someone who can appropriately comfort you in this trying time?"  
"No, I need to leave, now," Elliot said, pushing Holt aside. He then tried to walk briskly to the door.   
"Damnit, he's getting away! Quick Terry, grab him!"  
Terry looked up from his computer, "Elliot? Why?"  
"Just grab him!"  
Terry quickly got up from his desk and slung Elliot over his shoulder like a potato sack.  
"Let me go!" Elliot screamed, punching Terry's back and kicking, "let me go!"  
"Look dude, I think it'll be less embarrassing for all of us if you stop resisting. Trust me, your little hacker arms are doing zero damage." Terry said.  
***  
Elliot sat in the interrogation room, handcuffed to the table. His eyes darted around the room and he kept bobbing his leg up and down nervously.   
"Do you think the donkey milk will comfort him?" Charles asked Jake from the other side of the two-way mirror.  
"What? No, obviously not! I thought you'd already thrown that out, jeez."  
"Well, we can't just keep him in the interrogation room forever."  
"Can't we? I've never seen him actually eat anything, I think he'll be fine!"  
"Jake, I'm serious, he is clearly going through something and none of us are experienced enough to help him. We have to do something! Did you try his emergency contact?"  
"I did. It turned out to be his girlfriend Shayla who I am still surprised is real. Anyway, she's on her way now and hopefully will know what to do."  
"Well, we need to do something while she gets here. Look at the poor guy! He looks like his life is falling apart!"  
"Yeah, but… he always look like that."  
"That's true, there wasn't that big of a change. Um… should we offer him water? I've seen him drink that before."  
"Me too! I'll go in and ask him. I mean, we're practically brothers at this point."  
"What?! When did that happen?!" Charles asked, deeply panicked.   
"No, Charles, it was a joke… because we could never be brothers because he's the most guarded person I've ever met, besides Rosa."  
"Oh! I totally get it now!" Boyle said with a forced laugh, "that's funny! I should be the one to offer him some, though, because…. You… already talked to his girlfriend and you'll recognize her voice when she gets in!"   
"Yeah, okay," Jake said, not realizing Boyle's ulterior motives.   
Jake went to the entrance to wait for Elliot's girlfriend while Boyle made his way to the interrogation room. He barged in, slammed the door behind him and gave Elliot a death glare, "now you listen here, pal! Jake is my best friend, he's my brother from another mother, and if you replace me, I will kill myself!"  
"We talked for less than five minutes. I can't even remember his last name."  
"Oh," Charles said, calming down, "well would you like some water? You look thirsty."  
"I'm okay, thanks," Elliot replied dryly.   
Charles people-pleasing immediately kicked in, "Uh… I could cook something for you! Anything you like, I have all the time in the world."  
Elliot glanced to his side nervously, "I could go for some french fries."  
"I did see you eat those once! Amazing! Where those McDonalds or Shake Shack? Or do you want homemade? I could get you homemade!"  
"Jesus Christ, this guy is a fucking loser," Mr Robot said.   
"Hey, shut up! I don't even know if you're real!" Elliot snapped at him.  
"Well, the thing that you do know is that this guy will bend over backwards just to please you. So use that to your advantage!"   
"Uhh, Elliot," Charles said, waving his hand over his face.   
Elliot snapped back and new exactly what to do.   
"You know, what I would really like is to get out of these handcuffs," Elliot said, raising his wrists as much as he could.   
"Yeahh, can't let you do that, Jake said you're a flight risk."   
"Jake also said I was his best friend forever."  
"What?! But you said you forgot his last name!"  
"I lied! Jake told me to do that so you wouldn't suspect a thing."  
"Oh my God!" Charles said, slumping down onto the chair, "of course he would do that! He'd want to let me down easy! Ugh, he's such a good person and I'm such an idiot! Great, now I actually have to kill myself!"  
"Well that was easy," Mr Robot said.   
"Or, you could help me sneak out of here. Then you'd never have to see me again."  
"Great idea! Of course you would be my replacement, you're so smart!" Charles said, pulling his keys out of his belt.   
"Again, way too easy," Mr Robot chimed in.   
***  
"Hi, I'm looking for Jake Peralta? He told me to come here," said a young woman with wavy brown hair.   
"Oh, thank God, you're finally here! Hi, I'm Jake Peralta," he said, introducing himself, "sorry to just call you out of the blue like this but we think Elliot may be having another episode."  
Shayla looked confused, "episode?"  
"Yeah, you know, because he's… uh… I don't know the right term…."  
"Coo-coo banana pants?" Gina chimed in.   
"Thank you, Gina! Very helpful! But no, for real, he's definitely going through something and none of us have any idea how to help him. Please fix this."  
"Um, okay, well… last week when he got hurt they called his psychiatrist. Maybe you can call her."  
"That's a great idea! Wait, how did he get hurt?"  
"He was at the boardwalk on Coney Island and a bunch of kids jumped him. He got hurt really bad, he had scratches all over his face and I think he broke a few ribs."  
"That's what that was? Damnit, I thought he'd gotten into a bar fight or something cool like that. Guess I'm not attracted to him anymore." Rosa said.  
"Okay, guys, one psychological issue at a time! How do we get in contact with his psychiatrist?"  
"She gave me her number in case something else happened to him. I'll call her."  
"Thank you! You're a life-saver! I'm so glad Elliot has someone like you to help him out. I can't imagine having a problem like that and having to deal with it all on my own."  
"Yeah, no prob," Shayla said, taking out her phone.   
What they didn't know is that while this conversation was taking place Charles had successfully snuck Elliot out of the precinct. He was now sprinting down the street, unsure of what to do or where to go. He crawled to a halt to catch his breath and then heard someone call him from a car door. Elliot looked inside and then four masked men grabbed him and shoved him into the van, then drove away.


End file.
